“Listening is hard work,” Michael P Nichols, PhD, professor of psychological sciences and author of “The Lost Art of Listening,” says. “It takes concentration and effort and self-restraint.”
Not only is listening hard work, but actually hearing what the other person is saying and why they are saying it, can be even harder.
Here’s the thing that many people struggle with. We want to be heard. As a result, when someone is talking, we are busy thinking about our response, instead of being fully attentive to what they are saying.
Even if we don’t say something aloud, our brains are frequently thinking about a similar experience we have had and how things went in that situation, thereby, not hearing what the other person speaking is saying. When the client does finish speaking and there is a pause, we tend to interject our experiences without taking into consideration what was just said. Although we thought we were paying attention, we were actually waiting for our turn to speak.
Our Biases
Good listening also involves keeping an open mind and withholding judgment until the other person has completed the message. Conversely, biased listening is characterized by jumping to conclusions; the biased listener believes, “I don’t need to listen because I already know what they are talking about and I know how I would handle that situation.” You might experience this when working with sellers who have sold many times before. They think they know everything about the process and as a result, don’t fully “hear” any new information you may be giving them. This is the recipe for creating a roadblock to hearing. Although we all have biases, good listeners have learned to hold themselves in check while listening so they can receive the other person’s message.
Another thing that shows up frequently is when we have preconceived notions about someone who is speaking, those biases can interfere with our ability to listen accurately and competently to the message. We may think we are speaking with a “know it all” or perhaps someone we don’t respect, so we tune them out completely.
I May Not Understand
On the other hand, we may feel that the content being discussed is over our head and that there is no way we will ever understand the material. This is called Listening or Receiver Apprehension. This is the fear that you might not be able to understand or comprehend the message or process the information correctly or be able to adapt your thinking to include the new information coherently.
As a result, our brain simply shuts down and we are unable to hear, let alone process this new information. This can be why we sometimes need to hear information multiple times before we completely understand it. This is especially true with some of the changes we are experiencing now with our forms and how we discuss our compensation with our clients.
There is a lot of information coming at us every day and we have lots of choices to make. One way to make better choices is to become an active listener and not be afraid to ask questions when we don’t fully understand what is being said or presented. Listening is a learned behavior and well worth learning!
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As an active Realtor licensed in four jurisdictions, I approach real estate training from a different perspective. With over 24 years in the real estate business, I teach agents what it’s really like to be a real estate agent.
As an active Realtor licensed in three jurisdictions, I approach real estate training from a different perspective. With over 18 years in the real estate business, I teach agents what it’s really like to be a real estate agent.
